I loved this show as a toddler.
Though, thanks to school and higher, logical thinking, I look back at this show and I wonder, “What the hell was I thinking?”
I was watching the new hour-long episode with the unicorn and magic forest.
Let’s skip to the backpack.
Now, as a kid, I remember cute things in that backpack.
Pillows, and boats, and stickers, glittler, whatever.
Now, what do I see?
A saw.
I’m looking at the saw on the screen and I’m thinking, “Wouldn’t that hurt?”
The backpack spits that stuff out, and then sucks it back into it’s head/flap.
I know I shouldn’t look at it like that since it’s a cartoon, but come on!
What would happen if it spit out a saw and it cut Dora?
As hilarious as that would be to me, I don’t think the little kids would be too fond of that.
Then again, they’ll need to learn about violence sometime.
I was watching her tell these little elf things to build a bridge for her.
I’m sitting on my couch like, “Bitch, do you not see that fucking ladder? You could climb down this fucking 2-foot height and walk to the other end, climb back up, and bam you’re done.”
This lazy-ass hoe.
Yes, I’m calling Dora a lazy-ass hoe.
This bitch has been walking and climbing and flying and jumping and shit for years.
Why stop now?
She’s only, like, eight?
Will she ever grow up?
No.
The older her, as drawn, was a hoe.
A hoe that looked like 95% of the kids in middle school.
Don’t quote that.
I’m just saying.
If she can do all that shit in the past, and she’s still capable, she should just get more of a workout.
Shit. Unless she took that saw and started cutting shit.
That’d be hilarious horrible.
There was this part of the episode where Dora, Boots, and the Scarecrow were walking in a corn field.
The owl fucker antagonist takes a lot of corn and blocks the path.
Dora could have walked around the corn, or climbed over it.
What does she do?
She fucking sings a song that makes the crows pull the corn away.
I must say, though, the singers for the show have changed for the better.
Good music, weird show.
She could have taken the saw, too, and cut at the corn.
She could have taken the saw and cut the owl.
Oh, here’s the part that made me crack up.
Near the end, the unicorn is blocking holes in the dam that, if he didn’t, would flood the magic forest.
The owl puts more holes in it, so the unicorn is blocking those holes.
Next thing you know, Dora is calling those elves to fill the holes and fix the walls.
That made good sense.
Their singing, however, did not.
One of them asked, “What should we do?”
I stood up and yelled at the TV, “YOU MAY WANT TO PLUG THE HOLES, JUST A THOUGHT!”
They keep singing.
In the time they were singing, that dam should have already broken and let the water drown everyone in that forest.
But, no, they got the job done eventually.
I will forever wonder why common sense isn’t put into shows like this.
We are possibly teaching kids the wrong things!
And, when they grow up, they’ll be mindfucked like the rest of us!
Shouldn’t we start out in life with a solid common sense?
